Archive for December, 2007

Angry Elf

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , on December 18, 2007 by francisb


A rogue elf in Canada has been mailing obscene letters to children. So far the elf has traumatized 10 children.

Until the elf is caught, Canada’s entire “Write to Santa” program will be shut down. The operation was 11,000 elves strong with over a million letters written last Christmas.

That seems a little extreme. Little Canadian boys and girls get to hear back from Santa! With only 10 in 1,000,000 odds of getting verbally assaulted. Take those chances, kids.


Glow Cats

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , on December 15, 2007 by francisb


Scientists have made more progress fighting human/cat afflictions. The side effect is that you glow in the dark.

Political Machine

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , on December 12, 2007 by francisb


Earlier today a robot harassed Bill Clinton on the campaign trail. The robot was angry about Bill’s criticism of rapper Sister Souljah in 1992. At the moment, few details are known…

Did this robot travel from the past? Future? What is it? 90’s culture bot? Heckle bot? Hip-hop bot? Assassain bot? Sent by whom? Political enemy? Robot underground? Robot Sky Command? Sister Souljah? Is it safely imprisoned? Enemy combatant? More than one? Isolated incident? Hillary okay? Chelsea? Under siege? Judgement Day? Did the robot have an accent? Dialect?English, right? Were tasers effective? Water guns? Why Bill? Why now?

More as the story develops…

This could be it, John.


Posted in Uncategorized with tags on December 12, 2007 by francisb


A shark jumps above surface, eats swimming kangaroo.

“The two or three-metre long shark leapt out of the water and attacked the unfortunate roo as it paddled out to sea.”


5-year-old descendant of Davy Crockett kills 445 lb. bear.
From Grandpa:

“And Davy supposedly killed him a bear when he was three.”

From 5-year-old mini-Crockett:

“Paw-paw I squeezed the trigger and I didn’t close my eyes. I killed him.”‘

lawl christmas

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , on December 7, 2007 by francisb


Ho Ho Harassment

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , on December 7, 2007 by francisb


A Santa bot has been talking dirty to kids online. Run by Microsoft, the Santa program uses artificial intelligence to have have online conversations with children regarding their Christmas wishes. Apparently robot Santa has more on his mind.

“The Register, reported that a chat between Santa and his underage nieces about eating pizza prompted Santa to bring up oral sex.”

Programmers are still unsure of how Santa got the ability to talk dirty, but that’s insignificant. The children were asking for it.

“Sohn said Santa’s lewd comment was sparked by someone “pushing this thing to make it do things it wasn’t supposed to do.””

That’s right children; push Santa and Santa will push back. You want pizza? Santa wants a blowjob.

Evel Lawl

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , on December 4, 2007 by francisb