Poncho the Alligator

Last week a Florida burglar tried escaping police by jumping into a pond. Poncho, the resident alligator, ate him as he swam. Afterwards the police caught and killed Poncho. Just another dead gator. But Poncho has a story…

Poncho ran off to Hollywood at a young age. He dreamed of being a big star someday, a leading man, maybe even getting a spot on the walk of fame.

But Poncho’s sleazy manager took advantage of his childlike enthusiasm. He offered Poncho roles in adult B-movies. Poncho never felt right about them, but desperate for fame and money he took the gigs.

Poncho’s roles got increasingly kinky. After an accident on-set, he found himself banned from even the most disturbing movies.

Ashamed and embittered Poncho returned home. His soul had darkened. He began to sell accessories made at the expense of other alligators. The alligator community saw this as traitorous.

Poncho was exiled by his family and friends.

They decided that wasn’t enough, so they hung Poncho.

As Poncho lay dying, an Indian also named Poncho stumbled across his body. Turns out Poncho the indian was dying too; he was also misled by products made in his people’s likeness. The two had a good laugh about it and became friends.

Thanks to some indian magic, they stayed alive by becoming one giant indian-alligator combo. New Poncho promised to eat evil-doers for all time. Scammers, theives, and gangs alike feared him. New Poncho redeemed himself and died a good death last week. R.I.P. Poncho.