Monkeys Hit Rock Bottom

High profile monkey attacks have been all over the news in Delhi, India.

To recap:
The deputy mayor fell off his balcony and died while fending off a group of attacking monkeys.
Over two dozen people were injured over the weekend in a West Dehli City due to random monkey bites and scratches.
The New Delhi International Airport was closed for over an hour after a monkey ran amuck at the departures terminal.
A monkey tried to “snatch several infants” before being fought off with sticks.
The best one:

“Last year, the Delhi Metro train service hired a larger langur monkey to frighten off smaller creatures after a monkey boarded a train and scared passengers by scowling at them for three stops.

Another langur is on the government payroll to scare off monkeys from Delhi’s top federal government offices.”

In India they hire big monkeys to scare off smaller train-hopping bully monkeys. Sounds like the logical choice. Officals in NYC, on the other hand, dance around animal issues. They decided to fine people who enable the out of control pigeon population. Fines won’t stop pigeons. Hire some bobcats, morons.

Thanks for the help, Deputy Whiskers!

Back to monkeys…
So who is to blame?
Said Sonya Bluse, member of the monkey relocation enforcement squad,

“Monkey catchers are breaking up troupes of monkey families, leaving some monkeys alone without their families. Then they have nothing to lose and turn aggressive.”

Desperate lone monkeys with nothing to lose. It’s not the monkey’s fault. Society made them this way.

Fuck the world, cuz the world fucked me

Bonus monkey quote:
Said deputy police commissioner Jaspal Singh,

“As police we’re not experts in dealing with monkeys. We can deal with mad bulls but monkeys are more difficult.”

Mad bulls can be reasoned with.

Violence won’t bring her back, Toro…

Bitter monkeys? Only time will tell…